Using Fashion To Get More Hong Baos Because That Comme des Garçons Number Didn't Buy Itself
To huat in style or not to huat in style, that is the question.
It’s almost time for the Chinese New Year festivities to start and not to mention the obligatory visiting sessions to your relatives' house. (Why is it always sweltering when CNY visiting rolls around?) If you have yet to get a new set of clothes for the new lunar year, you better hurry. 2016 turned out to be a right wanker, so you’d need all the auspicious mandarins you can gather just to amp up the luck for 2017. And, though we might not be able to help you stop climate change or reverse aging, we might have just the clothes to help you win in the hong bao—Chinese for "red packet"—stakes.
Tommy Hilfiger S/S17
Play the favourite grandson card by channeling ah ma, right down to the flip-flops.
Gypsy Sport S/S17
Sweep in dressed in this number and then threaten to sweep the floor with it if they don’t hand over the cash. (It’s considered super pantang—Malay for "taboo"—to sweep the floor during CNY as it means you are sweeping all the luck away.)
Coach 1941 S/S17
Hover around the mahjong table dressed as the sartorial avatar of the God of Fortune and then charge players for the luck you bring. Good for one time only so start hustling.
Comme des Garçons Homme Plus S/S17
Wear this to your partner’s parent’s house and casually mention that hey, isn’t it funny that each transparent square can be perfectly covered by an hong bao? We cannot guarantee that you won't get kicked out of the house.
Dior Homme S/S17
Be as annoying as possible and then say you’re a firecracker and that you’ll leave with a bang if they give you more red packets.
If you're wondering why all the recommended styles here are predominantly in red, that's because the Chinese believe that the colour symbolises prosperity and joy. Green, on the other hand, is the colour of your face when you're about to vomit and blue is when you are suffocating while the relatives intrude into your personal life. The only fashion that would prevail in these circumstances is the Common Sense spring/summer 2017 collection.