Why Putting The Ladies First During Sex Is Important
Launching her rocket before yours is just good etiquette.
BY Tina Wang | Jan 3, 2017 | Sex & Relationships
In her book, The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, author Dr Emily Nagoski makes this interesting analogy: men are like driving standard transmission; move through the gears in the right order and you arrive wherever you want to go.
Women, in contrast, are like soués—how things turn out depends on various factors ranging from the ingredients and the reliability of the oven to the humidity of the day.
I have to concede that, for some men, making a woman orgasm can be a mission impossible. Much credit is due when it comes to how they desperately pull every trick that they know out of the hat to make it happen. Women are just built a little dierently, and we need more work than you think.
Call it a fait accompli: we don’t climax as easily as men. That’s down to biological wiring. Men have it easier—all it takes is a little rub and tug. With us, a search party for the pleasure nub is a necessary prelude.
And that’s just getting to base camp. The expedition continues tentatively, like trying to eat in complete darkness: the motions are familiar and routine, but do not always promise the same ease or success.
Each woman’s body responds dierently to stimulation. It horizontally dances to a dierent rhythm, reacts to a dierent touch and pressure… You get the idea. Some women reach their endgame after five minutes, others 20… others, well, never.
And just as Nagoski suggests, various factors do come into play. Sensitivity (and not in a good way) in the area after prolonged contact, slowing down or suddenly stopping (fatigue does set in, we understand) and even the slightest change in the pressure of the fingers (yes, it immediately flips the proverbial switch to “o”).
Trust me; we do want our nirvana. But we get self-conscious about how long the journey can sometimes take. That’s when you find us doing the obligatory wiggle-moan-slump routine. You fall asleep satiated, with a smile on your face. But we lie quietly next to you, seething internally about our traitorous bodies, a tight bundle of self-loathing and restlessness.
Several experts suggest this win-win situation: pleasure her first, without intercourse. Fingers are best. Not only will this make her ready for penetration, she’ll also be primed for an easier climax afterwards.
Some men see this as gallantry; others feel it’s being a gentleman in the boudoir. Call it what you want. It just makes perfect sense—and your attentiveness will score you brownie points along the way.