Man at His Best

What's Inside This Year's Oscar Goody Bag

Warning: may make you feel sick.

BY | Mar 1, 2016 | Film & TV

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In order to make sure the rest of world feels as bitter as possible, gift company Distinctive Assets have revealed what those nominated in the main acting and directing categories (sit down Best Soundtrack guys, you don't get a thing) got shoved in their hands as they stumbled drunkenly out of Hollywood's Dolby Theatre.

Dwarfing last year's SGD175k pat on the back, will be (deep breath):

• A 10-day, first-class trip to Israel (SGD77,000)

• A year's worth of unlimited Audi car rentals from Silvercar (SGD63,000)

• A 15-day walking tour of Japan (SGD63,000)

• 3 private training sessions with 'celebrity wellness expert' and star of ABC's My Diet Is Better Than Yours, Jay Cardiello (SGD2,000)

•  Ultherapy—a laser skin-tightening procedure courtesy of 740 Park MD ($SGD,700)

• A Lifetime supply of skin creams from Lizora (SGD44,000)

• A Fit Club TV 'Ultimate Fitness Package' in a private villa (SGD8,700)

• A Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer (SGD350)

• An Arouser sex toy, which offers gentle suction and simulation (females only) (SGD280)

• A 'vampire' breast lift which uses 'blood derived growth factors' to enhance breasts without implants (SGD2,700)

Admittedly we could take or leave the vampire breasts and sex toy, but the rest has left us suitably bereft we didn't build on that extremely well-received turn in our 1989 school nativity play.

Published in Esquire UK.