A 10-Year-Old Reviews Suicide Squad
We asked a member of the film's target audience to give his take.
BY AS TOLD TO STEPHEN MARCHE | Aug 9, 2016 | Film & TV
Suicide Squad has been one of the most confusing films of the summer, and, after its initial weekend, it's only getting more confusing. On the one hand, it is hard to think of a film more generally and resolutely panned. Vanity Fair described it as "a dull chore steeped in flaccid machismo," and that was not the harshest commentary by a long measure. On the other hand, it made USD135.1 million in the US and USD267.1 million globally on its opening weekend, which is more than Guardians of the Galaxy and Deadpool. Just another example of the overwhelming irrelevance of critics in the face of summer movie season? Even that point is unclear, because Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice had a fabulous opening weekend before its critical comeuppance and then it collapsed. Which doesn't seem to be happening.
Part of the problem is that movie critics are, like me, overwhelmingly grown-ups, or at least good at pretending to be grown-ups. And the market for films like Suicide Squad is not grown-up. The intended audience is the 10-year-old boy—or at least the 10-year-old boy inside you. Therefore, I went out and found an actual live 10-year-old boy to review Suicide Squad, as I have done for other films before. Because the Internet is a vicious swamp of the lowest forms of human scum, he will remain anonymous.
Suicide Squad is a movie that I was very, very excited for. The trailer was awesome. By the time I saw the movie, though, it had a 26 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. When I finally sat down in the theatre to watch it, I didn't know what to expect.
Here's what I think. Suicide Squad is like 10 movies in one. Three of the movies are what I wanted this whole thing to be like, four of them are just OK, and then another three are awful. You have to put up with the awful parts and the just-OK parts to get to the great parts.
First I will talk about the great parts. Jared Leto as The Joker was awesome—like, almost Heath Ledger-good. The best part of the movie was the flashbacks to him. The trailer makes it look like The Joker is the villain but he isn't, which is really disappointing.
Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn was amazing, too. She was the part you will remember afterwards. Also Killer Croc was very cool, but he was kind of wasted. He had exactly one funny line. Will Smith was Will Smith, but he is good at playing a Will Smith-type character.
And now I will talk about the bad parts of this movie. Jai Courtney was not that bad, but he is usually in awful movies. He was in Terminator: Genisys and A Good Day to Die Hard. So what could you expect? The worst part was Viola Davis. I don't think it was her fault. Every line she had to say was boring. I was checking my watch. There were tons of parts where you could have left and come back and not have noticed.
My biggest problem with the movie was how it was the biggest rip off of Guardians of the Galaxy. Think about it: The plot of the movie is that they are a group of unknown bad guys who need to do something good, and they like to listen to '80s music, and at the end there is a big beam of light in the sky. That is the exact same plot as Guardians of the Galaxy!
I saw online that people hated the movie. Here is what I think: Suicide Squad is like Ghostbusters 2016 meets Star Trek: Beyond. It's the same kind of funny and the same kind of plot. Star Trek: Beyond and Suicide Squad both ended with an action sequences that lasted like 30 minutes too long. I think people would have liked this movie more if it had come out in May. In August, everyone has already sort of just seen it.
Suicide Squad goes by very fast, though, which is what you want in a summer movie. It's better than the 26 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. I'm going to give it a B.
From: Esquire US.