Man at His Best

Shit people have said this CNY

Yes, there is an actual list. And it is endless. Here are our 10 favourites from this CNY.

BY Patrick Chew | Feb 9, 2016 | Culture

Image by CircaSassy / Flickr

You’ve probably made a list yourself—a list of things and questions you absolutely dread being on the receiving end of. And you do everything in your power to stay the hell away from them in your everyday life. But no matter how hard you try, everything somehow finds its way and comes crashing down on you on a particular holiday we like to call Chinese New Year (pfft, more like who-the-hell-are-you-and-why-are-you-acting-like-you-know-me-so-well day). 

“How come you’re still single?”, “Pregnant already or not?”, “Woah, you put on weight huh?” Chinese New Year is that annual labyrinth of shit you have to navigate through with a smile on your face and a desperate longing for personal space. As a matter of fact, that’s all you can really do—smile and fight the urge to pull your hair out. 

But we're afraid that that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Chinese New Year pleasantries. As Redditer BizkitMonstah pointed out, this holiday is about a series of “power plays and micro aggression thinly disguised as harmless CNY banter about your boy/girl.” 

You think you got it bad? Take a look at what your folks have to put up with—hordes of relatives relishing the opportunity to boast about how well they or their kids are doing, kids who, incidentally, are all A*STAR scholars.

BizkitMonstah created a Google doc, entitled CNY Power Play, which you can add on to. The result: Chinese New Year gold and some of the funniest shit we’ve read all year. 

Take a look at our 10 "favourites".

1. “See this privilege banking angbao? From my son’s bank one, he banker.”

2. “Gahmen very unfair. Don’t let my son buy HDB, say he earning too much, aiyoh.

3. “Eh your son can play instrument right? Quick, here got! Play for everyone!”

4. “Wah no honours not scared cannot find job ah? Later become road sweeper how?”

5. “CNY still need to work? My son can take leave, how come yours cannot?”

6. “Your daughter so flat, no butt, look like kid. How to find husband?”

7. “Sorry late ah. Need to wait our helper clean both floors finish first then can leave the house.”

8. “Aiyah eat so full already, need my Commando son to come and carry me.”

9. “Your daughter want to receive angbao until when? Don’t want to get married ah?”

10. “Aiyah my son’s classmate is driven to school everyday in a Bentley leh, I drive Merc only”